Written by: Juana
Story summary: Felicity strives to deal with Ben’s decision… a decision which will head her life down a different path… a decision which Ben may soon regret.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in my story; they belong to the brilliant writers and creators of the hit WB show.
INT: BEN’S ROOM-NIGHT
BEN IS STILL HOLDING FELICITY, WHO HAS STOPPED CRYING BUT IS STILL VERY DISTRAUGHT.
THERE IS A KNOCK AT BEN’S DOOR.
SEAN: Hey Ben buddy… you in there?
BEN: It’s not a real good time right now Sean… Okay?
SEAN: Okay… I just wanted to wish you and the missus a happy new year… but I guess that can wait.
AT SEAN’S COMMENT ABOUT FELICITY BEING BEN’S MISSUS… FELICITY EXTRACTS HERSELF FROM BEN’S EMBRACE.
FELICITY: I think… I really need to get out of here.
BEN: We should talk about this.
FELICITY: Why? It’s obvious that your mind is already made up.
BEN: I just want to know that you understand. That you don’t hate me.
FELICITY: I don’t hate you Ben… not yet anyway. As for understanding… let’s not look for miracles here.
BEN: I know this is selfish of me…
FELICITY: Yes… it is.
BEN: I just don’t know what else to do.
FELICITY: I’m not sure what you want me to say Ben. Do you want me to beg you stay? Cause I will.
BEN: I want you to understand why I have to do this… for me.
FELICITY: All I understand is that we’ve fought long and hard to stay together… we overcome some pretty major obstacles and we’ve interwoven so much of our lives together… that to hear you say you need to find yourself… well it just sounds like a cop-out to me.
BEN: You think I want to do this… that this isn’t any less painful for me?
FELICITY: I just want a good solid reason Ben… one that makes sense to me. Because right now what I’m hearing is that you love me but you don’t want to because loving me means never really knowing who you are.
BEN: It’s easier for you Felicity… you’ve known who you are since you were ten. I’ve been playing roles for people. Trying to fit molds of who they want me to be.
FELICITY: That’s insane Ben. I have no more idea who I am then the next person. Sure I want things, but having goals doesn’t mean I’ve defined who I am for life. It’s a changing process… day by day.
BEN: I can’t change how I feel Felicity. I just… I need the time alone… for me. I’m sorry.
FELICITY: Yeah… you said that. Here’s the problem Ben. I can’t change how I feel either and right now… my heart is breaking. You are… were the one person that truly mattered to me. And now that’s gone. How am I supposed to deal with that?
BEN: I’ll still be around. We’ll still be fr…
FELICITY: Just stop right there… Do not say we’ll still be friends, because we won’t. It would just become this big awkward thing. I don’t want to do that… not with you.
BEN: I don’t think we need to cut each other off completely.
FELICITY: And I don’t think you get to make all the rules. If you’re gonna go on this mission to find yourself… then you need to know that we aren’t going to be friends. It would just be too hard for me.
FELICITY GRABS HER OVERNIGHT BAG OFF THE BED AND STARTS HEADING FOR THE DOOR.
FELICITY: And please don’t tell me you're sorry again… because it’s starting to get on my nerves.
BEN: I guess I’m just scared… that I might be making a huge mistake.
FELICITY: Obviously that’s a chance you’re willing to take.
FELICITY OPENS THE DOOR AND WALKS OUT. SHE RESISTS THE URGE TO SLAM IT. THE PARTY IS STILL IN FULL SWING AND FELICITY AWKWARDLY WIPES HER FACE WHILE TRYING TO HOLD ON TO HER OVERNIGHT BAG. MARC SEES HER AND WALKS UP TO HER.
MARC: Everything okay?
FELICITY: Just peachy… thanks.
MARC: You uh… you look like you’re leaving.
FELICITY: Yeah the party is over for me.
MARC: Do you want someone to talk to?
FELICITY: No… thanks. But this is something I need to deal with on my own. Besides… you and Julie seemed to be hitting it off pretty well tonight. You should grab the opportunity while you can. I’m just gonna sneak out while I can.
FELICITY HUGS MARC AND EXITS THE APARTMENT. WHEN SHE GETS OUT ON THE STREET SHE SEES NOEL SITTING ON THE CURB… LOST IN THOUGHT. SHE CONTEMPLATES WALKING PAST HIM SILENTLY BUT THEN DECIDES MAYBE MISERY WOULD LIKE SOME COMPANY.
NOEL: Oh… hey.
FELICITY: You look like you had the same kind of night I did.
NOEL: We’ll it’s official. Elena and I are no longer… well anything. She doesn’t even want to be my friend.
FELICITY: Can’t say I blame her.
NOEL: What do you mean?
FELICITY: Ben and I just broke up. And I told him we couldn’t be friends either.
NOEL: You and Ben? Why?
FELICITY: It’s a long, pathetic story.
NOEL: I could use a cup of coffee… what do you say we find an all night coffeehouse and drown our sorrows in a big caffinated one?
FELICITY: Sounds good.
FELICITY: (VO) So Noel and I did just that Sally. We found this rinky-dink diner that served the worlds worst coffee and we just talked and talked. It was good to have someone to listen… someone who understood.
INT: FELICITY’S ROOM-DAY
NOEL HAS WALKED FELICITY BACK TO HER ROOM.
FELICITY: Do you want to come in?
NOEL: No… I should probably head back to loft.
FELICITY: Okay… and thanks… for everything… the sympathetic ear… the friend.
NOEL: The lousy coffee.
FELICITY: Not so much the coffee… but everything else.
NOEL GIVES FELICITY A HUG AND WALKS OFF.
FELICITY: (VO) I could tell that Noel was going to be a big help in getting through the next few days. And I was sure I had many lonely hours ahead. It had been nice hanging with Noel, but the inevitable return to reality had to come… and it hit me the minute I entered my dorm room. On the chair by the window was one of Ben’s shirts. I was drawn to it. I went over and picked it up… just breathing in his scent… and then I crumbled to the floor in an uncontrollable wave of tears. I thought I would cry forever and I probably would have… if not for a knock at my door.
FELICITY PICKS HERSELF UP OFF THE FLOOR AND WALKS OVER TO THE DOOR WIPING HER EYES. SHE DOESN’T ANSWER THE DOOR BUT INSTEAD SPEAKS FROM BEHIND IT.
FELICITY: Who is it?
BEN: (OC) It’s me.
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR FELICITY AUTOMATICALLY PUTS HER HAND ON THE KNOB, BUT THEN STOPS HERSELF.
FELICITY: (visibly hurt) What do you want Ben?
BEN: I need to talk to you. Please open the door.
FELICITY HESTITATES BUT THEN RELUCTANTLY OPENS THE DOOR HALF WAY UNTIL SHE CAN SEE BEN. IT IS APPARENT FROM THE ANGUISHED LOOK ON HIS FACE THAT HE IS SUFFERING JUST AS MUCH AS FELICITY.
FELICITY: What are you doing here Ben?
BEN: I needed to see you… I just don’t want to leave things the way they are… with you so angry and…
BEN: Yes… it kills me to see you like this.
BEN TAKES IN FELICITY’S APPERANCE. HER HAIR IS DISHEVELED AND HER FACE IS TEAR STAINED. HE STARTS TO REACH OUT FOR HER BUT SHE BACKS AWAY.
FELICITY: Don’t… I understand that you have a world of guilt right now about this Ben. But I’m the last person who can help you here. I can’t stop loving you in one night or pretend that your rejecting me is something I’m happy about.
BEN: I’m not rejecting you… why can’t you see that? I still love you like I always have… I just…
FELICITY: I’ve already heard all this Ben… and honestly I’m not sure how much more of this I can take. This is too hard for me. You don’t call it rejection… but that’s how it feels. You wanted me to leave… so I did. So go do what you have to do… go find yourself and let me figure out how to go on with my life.
BEN: I still need you to be my friend.
FELICITY: We’ll I can’t.
FELICITY: The mere fact that you would need me to explain that just shows me how little you understand what you are doing to me… so let me give it to you in plain English. You ripped my heart out last night Ben… you spun everything I believed in out of control. You can’t ask me to live this pain every day and if I still saw you every day and talked to you everyday… well I would be. I love you like I have never loved another person in my life.
FELICITY: No… let me finish. I made you my world Ben… I gave you this unbelievable power to hurt me… because I trusted that you never would. I believed you were always going to be there for me. I watched us fall apart time and time again… and then I watched our love bring us back together every time. I submerged my entire heart and soul into this relationship that we had because… you made me believe it was for real… that you were for real. Now I know I was just being a fool. Commitment has never really been your strong suit.
BEN: I was very committed to you.
FELICITY: Sure… you gave me pieces of yourself. But honestly… looking back… You still kept that wall up inside. Maybe it’s the one you’re so determined to break down now. I don’t know. I do know this however… sharing a persons life should involve sharing every aspect of it… not just the good times… or the secrets we’ve deemed okay to tell them. You can’t seem to get past the fact that I was there to help you… not to hinder you. You feel you need to do this on your own… and that is your decision to make.
BEN: Fine… then I take it back… all of it. I don’t want to lose you because of this.
FELICITY: (stunned) What??
BEN: Everything...every word...I take them back. I want us to be back together to forget last night ever happened… to just continue from where we were.
FELICITY STARTS TO OPENLY CRY. SHE WALKS OVER TO HER BED AND SITS DOWN WITH HER HANDS IN HER FACE AND BEN WALKS INTO THE ROOM SHUTTING THE DOOR.
BEN: (cont.) Felicity?
FELICITY: All night I sat here in this room… crying… hoping you would come to me and say something like that.
BEN SITS DOWN ON THE BED AND PUTS HIS ARM AROUND FELICITY. SHE SINKS INTO HIM AND HE LIFTS HER FACE TO HIS AND KISSES THE TEARS ON HER CHEEKS. THEY LOOK INTO EACH OTHERS EYES AND BEN LEANS FELICITY BACK DOWN ON THE BED AND CONTINUES TO KISS HER. IT IS TENDER AND SWEET AND THE PERFECT PRELUDE TO THE LOVE THEY ARE ABOUT TO MAKE. BEN STARTS UNDOING THE BUTTONS ON HER SHIRT AND STARTS KISSING HER NAKED FLESH… THE SOUND OF A KNOCK AT THE DOOR MAKES FELICITY BOLT UP FROM THE FLOOR WHERE SHE HAD BEEN SLEEPING… IT WAS ALL A DREAM… BEN HADN’T COME TO HER ROOM EXCEPT IN HER IMAGINATION.
AT THE INSISTENT KNOCKING ON THE DOOR, FELICITY DRAGS HERSELF UP OFF THE FLOOR IN A SENSE OF DÉJÀ VU AND HEADS FOR THE DOOR.
FELICITY: (through door) Who is it?
JULIE: (OC) It’s Julie… can I come in?
FELICITY: (VO) And with the sound of Julie’s voice any last bit of hope was dashed Sal… I had to realize that no matter how hard it was or how bad it made me feel… Ben no longer wanted me in anywhere but my imagination. I was alone… completely alone. And I had a pain in my heart that I was sure was going to swallow me up and leave just a shell of the girl I was just one day earlier.