Permanent Void

Written by: Juana


Story summary: Felicity is out of Ben’s apartment and back in school. Eli, riddled with insecurity, is rethinking his decision to stay with Felicity. Ben’s heart has had enough and repercussions of Felicity’s conversation with Noel change him…..maybe not for the better.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in my story. They belong to the brilliant creators and writers of the hit WB show.


FELICITY: (Voice over recording to Sally) Dear Sally,  Well things are finally starting to get back to normal. I’m out of the hospital, back in the dorm and today I start back to classes.

FELICITY WALKS INTO HER ENGLISH CLASS  ROOM.  JULIE AND BEN ARE SITTING TOGETHER. FELICITY WALKS UP AND SITS DOWN NEXT TO JULIE.

FELICITY: Hey.

JULIE: (gives her a one arm hug) It’s so good to have you back. How are you feeling?

FELICITY: Good….really good.

BEN: (leans forward to talk to Felicity) I’m glad you’re back.

FELICITY: (smiles) Thanks.

FELICITY: (Recording to Sally) Well as normal as things can be still having Ben in my English class and at work with me.

FELICITY WALKS INTO DEAN AND DELUCA. SHE IS DRESSED TO WORK. BEN IS BEHIND THE COUNTER HELPING A CUSTOMER. FELICITY TIES ON HER  APRON AND GOES BEHIND THE COUNTER.

FELICITY: Hey, what are you doing here?

BEN: Javiar called and ask me to fill in for the new girl Michelle. He said she has the flu.

FELICITY: Oh. That’s too bad. What time are you off?

BEN: I’m you’re closer.

FELICITY: Oh.

BEN: Try not to show so much enthusiasm.

FELICITY: No…that’s great really. It’s just….

BEN: What?

FELICITY: Um…Eli is coming by tonight.

BEN: So he deals….this is your job.

FELICITY: I know. You're right.

BEN: I don’t get it Felicity….why the eggshell routine every time we are together?

FELICITY: I just don’t want to give you the wrong idea.               

BEN: Those your words or Eli’s?

FELICITY: Okay...then...I'm just gonna go clock in.

BEN: Smooth….I would never have guessed you were trying to avoid the question.

ELENA COMES WALKING INTO DEAN AND DELUCA WITH JULIE. FELICITY SEES THEM AND HEADS OVER TO THEM.

JULIE: I brought Elena here so you could cheer her up.

FELICITY: Why? What’s wrong?

JULIE: I don’t know…she won’t tell me. Maybe you can pry it out of her. I’m gonna go get some coffee. Elena you want anything?

ELENA: (moping) No…..nothing.

JULIE: (to Felicity) Find out what’s wrong with her….quick. She’s fading fast.

JULIE WALKS OVER TO THE COUNTER BEN IS STANDING AT.

BEN: What’s up with Elena?

JULIE: She won’t say.

BEN: Looks to me like she’s nursing a broken heart.

JULIE: How can you tell?

BEN: Cause she looks like I feel.

JULIE: Still hurting pretty bad huh?

BEN: I’m beginning to think it’s never going to be okay.

JULIE: You should talk to Felicity….make her choose between you.

BEN: She’s already made her choice….and it wasn’t me.

JULIE: She’s just confused. Give her some time.

BEN: That’s good in theory…but the reality is that I’m getting ready to move on.

JULIE: Tell her that. Maybe if she’s sees that you’re not going to wait around she’ll wise up.

BEN: And maybe she’ll just wave goodbye as I walk out the door.

CUT TO FELICITY SITTING AT THE TABLE WITH ELENA.

FELICITY: Okay. So it’s not Blair….but it is a guy problem.

ELENA: I met this guy…he seemed really sweet. So against my better judgement I let things progress fairly quickly.

FELICITY: You slept with him?

ELENA : Yes…could you please keep it down?

FELICITY: Sorry….it’s just….well it seems so sudden.

ELENA: Thank you Dr. Ruth.

FELICITY: I didn’t mean anything by it….I’m sorry….go on.

ELENA: Well he dumped me.

FELICITY: Did he say why he was dumping you?

ELENA: He said he didn’t want to have his heart broken….or some crap like that.

BELL ABOVE DOOR RINGS AND NOEL WALKS IN.

FELICITY: Hey look Elena….there’s Noel. He always knows how to make you feel better….let me go get him.

ELENA: No! I mean I….well this is embarrassing. I don’t want to involve him in this.

FELICITY: All right. It was just a suggestion. I should probably go help Ben with that line. I’ll be right back.

ELENA: Take your time.

FELICITY WALKS BACK BEHIND THE COUNTER TO HELP OUT BEN. NOEL WALKS UP TO THE SIDE OF THE COUNTER AND TRIES TO GET FELICITY’S ATTENTION.

NOEL: Felicity….Can I talk to you?

FELICITY: I’m kind of busy right now Noel.

NOEL: I’ll wait.

FELICITY: (to customer) What can I get you sir?

MAN:  A café mocha.

FELICITY: Will that be a regular or large?

MAN: Large….Oh and can I have those little chocolate sprinkles in the whip cream?

NOEL: Please Felicity?

FELICITY: (to customer) Sure. That will be two dollars and fifty cents.

AS FELICITY IS FIXING THE MAN’S MOCHA, NOEL CONTINUES TO BEG.

NOEL: Please?

FELICITY: (to Noel) Fine….go have a seat and I’ll get there as soon as I can. (hands customer the mocha) Have a nice day sir.

CUT TO TATE AND ELI AT ELI’S APARTMENT. THEY ARE EATING TAKE OUT CHINESE.

TATE: Okay…spill. Why did you drag me over here?

ELI: I need some advice.

TATE:  What about?

ELI: Felicity….my living situation…you name it.

TATE: Why don’t you tell me what the problem is?

ELI: Well you know how things ended up with me and Tabitha.

TATE: Pretty bad if I recall correctly.

ELI: Exactly. Things with us fell apart really fast. I convinced myself that I never saw it coming.

TATE: Are you saying you did?

ELI: Yeah….in retrospect, I think so.

TATE: So you knew that she was cheating on you?

ELI: No…but I knew she wasn’t happy. That she felt like something in our relationship was missing.

TATE: I don’t understand….What does this have to do with Felicity?

ELI: I told you that Tabitha just up and left one day….but that’s not entirely true.

TATE: Then what is?

ELI: She started seeing her old boyfriend….Vince.

TATE: She was seeing Vince behind your back?

ELI: Not in the beginning. I actually ran into Vince at a party one night when Tabitha was working. I brought him back to the apartment.

TATE: Sure that’s bad luck Eli but she probably would have run into him somewhere else.

ELI: Maybe…but I can’t help thinking I could have stopped it from happening if I’d never brought him to the apartment.

TATE: This is all pretty much in the past though….Why are you torturing yourself with this now?

ELI: It was something Julie said to me.

TATE: Julie? Eli you have to understand Julie is fairly biased where Ben is concerned.

ELI: I know…but it made me think.

TATE: So you're thinking about giving up Felicity based on what Julie said?

ELI: No…I don’t know. I want to talk to her…but I’m afraid of the answers.

TATE: Does she mean that much to you?

ELI: Yes….but maybe it would be better to cut my losses now before I really get hurt.

TATE: Please tell me you don’t believe Julie. Eli there is no proof that Ben is the perfect guy for Felicity.

ELI: But what if he is?

TATE: According to Julie a lot of things have kept them apart. Don’t you think maybe there’s a reason for that?

ELI: That’s just it Tate…do I really want to be the reason they aren’t together now?

TATE: Well what does Felicity think about this?

ELI: I haven’t talked to her about it.

TATE: Maybe you should. Cause honestly I think she’s stuck around for a reason…and that reason is she cares about you.

ELI: But she loves Ben.

TATE: Obviously not enough…or she would be with him. Talk to her before you decide anything.

CUT TO FELICITY SITTING DOWN AT THE TABLE WITH NOEL. JULIE AND ELENA ARE A FEW TABLES AWAY.

FELICITY: All right. What was so important that you came all the way down here?

NOEL: We’re still friends….right?

FELICITY: Sure. Is that why you came here? To find out if we are still friends?

NOEL: No…I need to know something.

FELICITY: Okay. What?

NOEL: Why did you choose Ben over me?

FELICITY: Noel….we’ve gone over this like a dozen times before.

NOEL: I know…but I never really wanted to hear the answers before.

FELICITY: And now you do? Noel, what’s going on?

NOEL: Please just answer the question.

FELICITY: It’s that important that you know?

NOEL: Yes….absolutely.

FELICITY: This may hurt.

NOEL: Just soften the blows where you can.

FELICITY: Okay….well bottom line…(looks over at Ben) I was with Ben….because I had no choice.

NOEL: I’m not following you.

FELICITY: I had been infatuated with Ben all my life….he was this “ideal guy.” I looked at him and everything made sense to me.

NOEL: But you were putting an awful lot of effort into someone who wasn’t even your friend.

FELICITY: I know. And if you asked me why back then…I couldn’t have told you.

NOEL: But now you can?

FELICITY: Yes. I think a part of me always realized that he was going to become very important in my life. That we would share a future.

NOEL: So that’s why you chose to be with him?

FELICITY: It was the other way around. I always knew I wanted to be with him. He chose to be with me.

NOEL: So you're saying that if he hadn’t realized that he wanted to be with you….that you would still be with me?

FELICITY: Probably not. Simply because he would still be very important to me…and I would probably still be convinced that we were destined to be something.

NOEL: So why aren’t you with him then?

FELICITY: (looks at Ben longingly) It’s complicated.

NOEL: Is it because of Eli?

FELICITY: Maybe….exactly what is the purpose of this conversation?

NOEL: One more question first.

FELICITY: And then you’ll tell me what this is all about?

NOEL: Yes. What would make you go back to Ben now?

FELICITY: (shocked) What?

NOEL: If there were one thing…What is it?

FELICITY: I don’t know.

NOEL: So you’re over Ben then?

FELICITY: I didn’t say that. It’s just that when I made the decision to be with Eli….I knew that would involve letting go of Ben.

NOEL: Do you love Eli?

FELICITY: Okay…that’s more then one question.

NEITHER FELICITY OR NOEL HAS NOTICED THAT BEN HAS WALKED CLOSE TO THE TABLE.

NOEL: Please Felicity…this is really helping me….I need to know the answer.

FELICITY: Um….it’s not as easy as a yes or no.

NOEL: So you gave up Ben for a maybe?

FELICITY: It’s just that…well if there were no Ben….It very possibly could be Eli.

NOEL: So you do love him.

AS BEN HEARS THIS HE WALKS INTO THE BACK ROOM AND LEANS UP AGAINST THE WALL AS IF HE IS IN PAIN. HE SLOWLY SLIDES DOWN THE WALL AND BURIES HIS FACE IN HIS HANDS.

CUT TO TATE AND ELI WALKING INTO THE DEAN AND DELUCA. FELICITY IS STILL SITTING AT THE TABLE WITH NOEL.

FELICITY: Look….can we finish this conversation later? Eli just walked in.

NOEL: Okay….and thanks.

FELICITY: You're welcome.

FELICITY WALKS OVER TO ELI AND GIVES HIM A HUG AND A QUICK KISS ON THE LIPS.

FELICITY: Hey.

ELI: Hey yourself. How’s work been?

FELICITY: Um…about that….

BEN COMES WALKING OUT OF BACK ROOM. THE LOOK ON HIS FACE HAS CHANGED HE APPEARS HARDEN SOMEHOW. BITTER AND JADED.

ELI: Ben’s here?

FELICITY: He’s covering a shift for Michelle….she’s sick.

ELI: (uncomfortable) Great…Ben to the rescue once again.

FELICITY: Eli…please don’t do this.

ELI: How am I suppose to feel Felicity? Comfortable? Unconcerned?

FELICITY: It’s not a big deal…unless you make it one.

ELI: Have you talked to him yet? Told him your decision to stay with me isn’t something you can be talked out of?

FELICITY: No. But I don’t really think that’s going to be necessary. I think he understands that.

ELI: Do you? Cause I’m not convinced.

FELICITY: Eli…Ben is my friend. I don’t want to hurt him unnecessarily.

ELI: Fine. Are we still going to the club tonight?

FELICITY: Sure. I’ll meet you there after I close.

ELI: Why can’t I meet you here?

FELICITY: Because the club is the opposite direction. Eli if this is going to work….you have to trust me.

LATER THAT NIGHT NOEL IS KNOCKING ON ELENA’S DOOR. ELENA OPENS IT.

ELENA: It’s kind of late.

NOEL: I know. Can I please come in?

ELENA: Why?

NOEL: To apologize.

ELENA: I can hear you fine from there.

NOEL: So can everyone else on the floor. Are you sure that’s what you want?

ELENA: Fine. Come in. You have exactly five minutes….then you have to go.

NOEL: Five minutes? Fine…well here goes. I don’t expect you to understand my earlier behavior…or to forgive it for that matter. But I wanted you to know that I’m sorry.

ELENA: Are you through?

NOEL: (Looks at watch) No. I still have three minutes…so bear with me. I can’t take back my childish behavior…but I want to try and explain. It was the whole thing with Felicity….it was really difficult for me to accept that she had chosen Ben over me….

ELENA: I’m not Felicity.

NOEL: I know that….but the situation is eerily similar. Blair still wants to be with you….just like Ben wanted to be with Felicity.

ELENA: Difference being….I don’t want Blair.

NOEL: That’s exactly what Felicity told me about Ben….so you understand my skepticism.

ELENA: I understand that your time is up….goodbye Noel.

NOEL: Please just a few minutes of reprieve here.

ELENA: Why so you can continue to fascinate me with the parallels of our relationship and the one you had with Felicity?

NOEL: You have to admit it’s odd.

ELENA: Well here’s another parallel for you. I’m through with you just like Felicity.

NOEL: I don’t think so.

ELENA: What?

NOEL: I think that we are far from over. I’ve done a lot of thinking about this Elena and I think that what we have is worth fighting for.

ELENA: No.

NOEL: No?

ELENA: That’s right…no.

NOEL: But I thought you cared about me.

ELENA: I do. But I’m not going to be jerked around Noel.

NOEL: I won’t Elena….I promise.

ELENA: That’s not a promise you can keep.

NOEL: You don’t know that.

ELENA: Yes….I do. You have this paranoid insecurity that restricts you from letting  go of your fear of heartbreak….I need someone who is with me because they trust me and my love for them.

NOEL: I can be that guy….I can.

ELENA: Noel….no. I’m not saying never….just not now. Not while you harbor the residual of  Felicity cheating on you.

NOEL: Please…don’t do this….I’m better….I’ll show you.

ELENA: That’s not something you can convince me of in one day Noel.

NOEL: (Pulls Elena into his arms) Elena….please. (gives her a tender…but passionate kiss)

ELENA PULLS AWAY FROM NOEL AND BRUSHES THE HAIR GINGERLY AWAY FROM HIS FOREHEAD AND PLANTS A SOFT KISS THERE.

ELENA: (teary) My answer is still no.

NOEL PULLS ELENA TIGHTER INTO HIS ARMS AND SOBS INTO HER SHOULDER.

SALLY: (Voice over to Felicity) Felicity… I’m glad life is getting  back to normal. I don’t envy the conversations you have waiting for you in the near future though. I understand what you're saying about the invisible connection with Ben. Feeling like you hear him….it’s comforting. I used to feel that way about John. I know Ben is very much alive…but losing someone no matter how temporary or permanent it leaves a void. A void we fill with the sweet memories of the time we were fortunate enough to have spent together.  All my love Sally.


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