Ready To Live Again
Written by: Juana
Story summary: Ben and Felicity struggle with the conflicting emotions of their messed up relationship. Ben gets a new boss and decides it is time to define where he and Felicity stand. Even through her hurt Felicity is able to see the truth…and move toward it.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in my story. They belong to the brilliant writers and creators of the hit WB show.
FELICITY: (VO) Dear Sally…so this morning I woke up in a foreign place…Ben’s arms. It was the first time in a couple of months that Ben and I had been that close…it felt so good. I lay perfectly still for an hour for fear of waking him up and losing the closeness. But eventually it had to happen.
BEN STARTS TO STIR. FELICITY TRIES TO STAY PERFECTLY STILL BUT HE WAKES UP.
BEN: (groggy) Hey…morning.
FELICITY: Good morning.
BEN STARTS TO SIT UP.
BEN: So how are you?
FELICITY: I’m fine.
BEN: Did you sleep okay?
FELICITY: Actually…yeah. You?
BEN: Yeah…really good. I was pretty exhausted.
BEN HAS YET TO REALEASE FELICITY FROM HIS ARMS. THEY ARE FACING EACH OTHER IN A HALF SIT UP POSITION….ALMOST WITHOUT THINKING FELICITY LEANS IN AND GIVES BEN A KISS…THE FIRST IN MONTHS. BEN IS SURPRISED BUT AS SHE STARTS TO PULL AWAY HE TAKES HIS ARMS FROM AROUND HER AND PULLS HER BACK TOWARDS HIM AND CONTINUES TO KISS HER.
INT. LYN’S ROOM-DAY
LYN AND JULIE HAVE BEEN HAVING A HEATED ARGUMENT.
LYN: I’m telling you Jul…you have nothin…nothin…to worry about.
JULIE: Then why is she calling you at all hours of the night?
LYN: She just needs a friend…I’m just being a friend.
JULIE: Which would be fine…If I’d ever met her…but you’ve been keeping her this big mystery.
LYN: She’s no mystery…she’s a co-worker. It’s not like we hang out outside of work.
JULIE: I’m sorry. I’m probably being irrational…it’s just well my luck with guys…let’s just say it’s sadly lacking.
LYN: I’m not going anywhere Jul…you’re my heart.
JULIE: You are so sweet.
JULIE KISSES LYNN.
INT. BEN’S BEDROOM-DAY
FELICITY AND BEN ARE STILL KISSING ON HIS BED AND THINGS ARE STARTING TO BECOME HEATED. BEN MOVES HIS HAND DOWN TO FELICITY’S ABDOMEN AND SHE FLINCHES FROM THE PAIN. IT IS LIKE A SHOCK WAVE TO BEN WHO INSTANTLY SITS UP.
BEN: God I’m so sorry.
FELICITY: No Ben don’t be…It’s just a little uncomfortable that’s all.
BEN: It’s not that…although I’m sorry about that too. It’s just I’m sending you some mixed messages here…I didn’t mean to do that.
FELICITY: (confused) Mixed messages?
BEN: I shouldn’t have kissed you like that…it was wrong…I just…I couldn’t help myself…It’s been so long since we’ve been that close…I missed it…but it was selfish of me…I’m sorry.
FELICITY: (hurt) It’s okay…I understand…your not the only one who *missed* it.
BEN: What are we doing Felicity? This friends thing doesn’t seem to be working so well, maybe we we’re just kidding ourselves…maybe we *can’t* be friends.
FELICITY: Then what can we be…cause I need you in my life Ben.
BEN: I don’t know…all I know is that right now I need to take a shower…a *cold* one. I’m having a really hard time being around you and not wanting to be *with* you.
FELICITY: What do you expect me to say to that? I would gladly welcome you back into my life in all aspects…it’s not me that’s keeping us apart Ben.
BEN: Okay…I know…but even now when we we’re getting close…I was fighting a battle in my mind…not to picture you with Eli.
FELICITY: (gets up off bed) If that’s the case…then…I should…just go.
BEN: That’s probably a good idea.
INT: FELICITY’S BEDROOM-DAY
FELICITY WALKS INTO HER ROOM AND SITS DOWN ON HER BED. SHE NOTICES A NOTE ON HER PILLOW. OPENS UP NOTE. IT IS FROM ELI.
FELICITY: (VO) So just when I think things can’t get any worse…they do. Things with Ben were so complicated and then I found out Eli was gone. He left Sally…he bailed…leaving just this note. Dear Felicity…I wanted to say goodbye in person…but I guess when you’re bailing out on someone…it doesn’t work that way. I wish I could make you understand how hard I tried to accept the position I put us in, but I was *never* able to accept it. I would be a horrible dad…I know that…which is why I’m leaving. I watched Ben with you…you know he really wishes this baby was his….and god forgive me…but I wish it were too. I know Ben will take care of the two of you though…he would die before he let anything happen to either one of you…I have every confidence in that. I hope in time you will find a way to forgive me for being so selfish…but I don’t expect it. Take Care…Eli.
THERE IS A KNOCK ON FELICITY’S DOOR. FELICITY GET’S UP TO ANSWER IT. JULIE IS STANDING THERE.
FELICITY: Hey Julie.
JULIE: (concerned look) How are you holding up?
FELICITY: (surprised) You know?
JULIE: Lyn just got off the phone with Ben…I hope it’s okay that he told us.
FELICITY: Yeah…it’s fine.
JULIE: So are you really okay?
FELICITY: I’m dealing.
JULIE: I know after deciding to keep the baby…well I know this was probably a pretty major blow.
FELICITY: Yeah…it was…but you know….I don’t’ really want to talk about it…I’m sorry.
JULIE: No that’s fine…I just wanted you to know I’m here.
FELICITY: Thanks…so how have you and Lyn been?
JULIE: Good…for the most part.
FELICITY: Is something wrong?
JULIE: It’s just there’s this girl at his work *Kiki*…she keeps calling him…he says they are just friends…but you know me…the red flags went up.
FELICITY: I know Kiki.
JULIE: You do?
FELICITY: Yeah…she’s in my art class. She seems really nice.
JULIE: Yeah maybe if he’d ever let me meet her…I would think so too.
FELICITY: He won’t let you meet her?
JULIE: He says it’s just because they don’t see each other outside of work.
FELICITY: So go to his work.
FELICITY: I know it sounds ridiculous…but it really helped me…when I was dating Ben.
JULIE: It did? Really?
JULIE: Would you go with me?
FELICITY: Okay…no…you don’t need me to tag along with you.
JULIE: Please…it will be good for you to get out.
FELICITY: And go watch Ben…watching naked girls…no thank you.
JULIE: We’ll pick a night he doesn’t work.
FELICITY: I don’t know…I mean…I went there alone.
JULIE: Please Felicity…just do this one thing for me…please?
FELICITY: Okay…fine…just make sure it’s a night Ben’s not working…and I’ll go.
JULIE: Thank you.
FELICITY: (VO) I was hoping that would be the last I would hear of it…but unfortunately that was not to be the case. Julie called me early the next morning and told me not to be make any plans for that night…because we were going to check out Kiki. She assured me Ben would not be working and like a fool…I went.
INT. LUCKY LADY-NIGHT
FELICITY AND JULIE WALK INTO THE CLUB. LYN WALKS OVER.
LYN: (kisses Julie) Hey baby…glad you made it. Felicity…good to see ya.
LYN: So Jul…could I maybe steal you away for a minute.
JULIE: Sure. (to Felicity) I’ll be right back.
FELICITY GOES AND SITS DOWN AT A BOOTH. TIFFANY WALKS UP TO HER.
TIFFANY: What are you doing here?
FELICITY: I came with a friend.
TIFFANY: (surprised) Not Ben?
FELICITY: (irritated) No…not Ben.
TIFFANY: I didn’t think so…not after what you’ve done…Ben has a pretty stubborn streak where cheating is concerned…he can’t stand someone who does.
CUT TO JULIE AND LYN.
LYN: So Jul…I’m way glad you’re here…but you should probably leave.
LYN: Well Bruno quit and the new boss called a meeting tonight…so in like five seconds Ben is gonna come walking through that door
JULIE: Oh no…really?
LYN: Yeah…so you’ve been informed.
JULIE: Thanks. (kisses Lyn) I’ll guess I’ll just meet Kiki later.
LYN: Yeah…Kiki called in sick tonight anyway…so no big loss.
JULIE WALKS BACK OVER TO FELICITY WHO IS STILL STEAMED AFTER HER ALTERCATION WITH TIFFANY.
FELICITY: God the nerve of her…she just irks me so bad.
JULIE: Yeah…okay…you know Lyn just told me that Kiki isn’t working tonight…so what do you say we leave?
FELICITY: Yeah…that sounds like a great idea.
FELICITY AND JULIE COLLECT THEIR THINGS AND HEAD FOR THE DOOR. JUST AS THEY GET TO THE DOOR A BEAUTIFUL BRUNETTE COMES WALKING IN AND FELICITY BUMPS INTO HER.
FELICITY: I’m so sorry.
BLISS: No…it’s okay…are you one of my dancers?
FELICITY: I’m sorry…your dancers?
BLISS: I’m Bliss Northridge…your new boss. (extends her hand for a handshake)
FELICITY: I don’t work here… I was just visiting.
BLISS: Oh…well no I’m sorry…you have a beautiful face…and a dancer’s body…I just assumed…well it’s our loss.
FELICITY: (embarrassed) Thanks.
FELICITY AND JULIE MOVE TO GO AROUND BLISS AND FELICITY IS FACE TO FACE WITH BEN.
BEN: (surprised) Felicity?
FELICITY: Ben…I didn’t…you weren’t…Julie said you weren’t working tonight. (glares at Julie)
BEN: Yeah…actually I’m not…we’re getting a new boss and she called a impromptu meeting to get to know everyone.
FELICITY: Yeah…I met her…she seems really nice.
BEN: Yeah…I hope so. ( looks longingly at Felicity) Well I should probably get going…I don’t want to be late for the meeting.
BEN WALKS INTO THE BACK ROOM AND TIFFANY GIVES FELICITY A LOOK THAT SAYS “ I TOLD YOU SO”
INT. BEN’S LOFT-NIGHT
LYN AND BEN ARE COMING HOME FROM WORK. BEN WALKS IN AND FLIPS ON THE LIGHT SWITCH. LYN SITS DOWN ON THE COUCH. BEN BRINGS TWO BEERS FROM THE FRIDGE. ONE FOR HIMSELF AND ONE FOR LYN. HE SITS IN THE CHAIR ACROSS FROM LYN.
BEN: So how are things going with Julie?
LYN: Is this the set up for an apology? Cause if it is it’s not gonna be necessary….Julie told me about the other night in her room…It’s cool. I know you had a serious hurt going on there…just don’t let it happen again.
BEN: (shocked) She told you?
LYN: Yeah…we’re building this trust kinda relationship…we tell each other *everything.*
BEN: Really so then she knows about Kiki?
LYN: Okay…almost everything…See Kiki was before Jul…and she’s already got this major jealousy thing going on about Kiki…so no big deal. Kiki…past….Julie…present.
BEN: Trust me on this one Lyn…tell her now…or you will regret it.
LYN: Yeah…so how are things going with Felicity?
BEN: It’s complicated. I’m having these conflicting emotions…I want so much…okay forget it…I feel like a total schmuck going into this.
LYN: Why man? I’m a sensitive guy…I swear…it’s just between you and me.
BEN: And you won’t tell Julie?
LYN: We already established that I tell her *almost* everything. Mums the word. I swear.
BEN: Okay…well…it’s like there are two sides to me…the one that thinks I can’t live without her…and the one that wants to let her go…to get on with my life.
LYN: You mean start dating again?
BEN: Yeah…I mean…I’ve been really patient about this whole thing…but lately…well you know I’m nineteen…and I do have needs.
LYN: Right with you bro. Being single at nineteen is suppose to be this dream…but when you’re not *getting any*…then it just becomes this nightmare.
BEN: Exactly…but that’s where the other side takes over…I can’t imagine *being with* anyone but Felicity…and that just seems insane at my age.
SEAN HAS COME INTO THE ROOM AS THE TWO ARE TALKING. HE FINALLY MAKES HIS PRESENCE KNOWN.
SEAN: That’s because it is.
BEN: Sean…hey…sorry I didn’t mean to wake you.
SEAN: It’s okay…but as for your problem…you know I don’t usually butt into your lovelife…
BEN: Since when?
SEAN: Okay maybe I butt a little…but I’m coming from the age of experience here. I like Felicity as much as the next guy, but to put your life on hold for a *maybe* thing…it just seems kind of pointless.
BEN: What do you mean?
SEAN: It’s my understanding you’re friends…and only friends right now…correct?
BEN: Yeah…sort of.
SEAN: My advice make the friends thing a sure thing…tell her you don’t want to hurt her…but you're young and you want to start going out and acting young again. I mean these past two to three months you’ve been living this adult life…usually the no sex thing comes after you’ve already been married a while.
BEN: (to Lyn) What do you think?
LYN: I think your compadre has a good point. You're in your prime and there all lots of hot chicks out there that would be more than happy to fill your needs…I hate to say it…but maybe it is time to let her go. Which if Julie asks if I supported you on this you say…No way…I was against it.
BEN: (laughs) Yeah…got it. (to Sean) So now what?
SEAN: Talk to her…set the boundaries…and be prepared for the waterworks.
BEN: I don’t know…this just seems cruel.
SEAN: It’s that or a lifetime of solo dates with Mr. Happy.
BEN: Mr. Happy?
SEAN: Yeah…nevermind…way past my bedtime.
BEN: (joking ) Yours or Mr. Happy’s?
BEN AND LYN LAUGH AS SEAN EMBARRASSED HEADS BACK TO HIS ROOM.
INT: FELICITY’S ROOM-DAY
FELICITY IS GETTING READY TO LEAVE FOR CLASS. SHE OPENS THE DOOR AND BEN IS STANDING THERE READY TO KNOCK.
BEN: Oh…hey sorry.
FELICITY: No it’s okay…what’s up?
BEN: Um…I was wondering if you had time to talk?
FELICITY: I was just getting ready to leave for class. (hesitates) I’ll be late. Come on in.
BEN: Thanks. So how are you feeling?
FELICITY: Okay? (pauses) So is that why you came by?
BEN: (uncomfortable) No…I just think…well I think we need to discuss some things.
BEN: It’s been a while since we broke up, and I think maybe…well maybe some things are still not quite defined with us.
FELICITY: Like what?
BEN: I know you want me to be a part of your life…I want that too. But lately…well lately I’ve started to think maybe we have different ideas about that.
FELICITY :I don’t understand.
BEN: It all goes back to the way we were…before Eli.
FELICITY: (irritated) You mean before I…slept with Eli.
BEN: It was a huge thing for me…finding out someone I trusted completely, could do that to me.
FELICITY: I don’t know what to say…I mean I’ve already told you that I’m sorry…like a million times.
BEN: I know…and I accept that…now you need to accept something. As much as I wish it hadn’t…it changed things for us. We can fix our friendship and start over…but we lost something in the process.
FELICITY: (upset) What are you trying to say Ben?
BEN: I just think…in fact I’m pretty certain…that…well that we’ve both been holding out on this hope that somehow we we’re going to be able to get past this…to fix it.
FELICITY: (starting to tear up) And now you think we can’t?
BEN: I don’t even know where we would start. Trust is a huge thing with me because of all the crap I went through with my dad. It was the base of our relationship…without a base…how is it suppose to work?
FELICITY: So you’re giving up? Just like that?
BEN: I don’t want to…but I also don’t want to live my life sitting in a corner waiting for some magic spell to make me forget all that’s happened. Because right now…I feel like that’s what it would take.
FELICITY: I don’t understand this sudden need to decide our futures.
BEN: I want to start going out again.
FELICITY: (surprised) What?
BEN: I’m nineteen years old…I don’t want to spend every Fri and Sat night alone…I’m sorry.
FELICITY: Is there someone else?
BEN: No…but don’t you think I deserve a chance to see if there could be?
FELICITY: So that’s what you want…us to start dating *other* people?
BEN: I think so.
FELICITY: You think so? Can I please get a more definitive answer here? Cause your rippin my heart out here Ben…and I think so…it’s just so *wimpy*…either you know or you don’t. Which is it?
BEN: I’m sorry Felicity…yes I do…I do think we should start dating other people.
FELICITY: Fine…okay…we’ll now that that’s settled…I have to get to class.
FELICITY STARTS PICKING UP HER BACKPACK AND JACKET.
FELICITY: (turns angry) No…don’t! Don’t back down now…you made a decision…be a man…stick with it!
FELICITY WALKS ANGRILY OUT OF HER DORM ROOM LEAVING BEN STANDING THERE. SHE PUSHES THE ELEVATOR BUTTON AND ENTERS A DESERTED ELEVATOR. AS THE DOORS CLOSE SHE SINKS DOWN TO THE FLOOR AND CRIES ALL THE UNCRIED TEARS OF THE PAST FEW MONTHS.
FELICITY: (VO) So there…in the elevator…I let it all go…all the pain of losing the baby…of losing Ben…and most of all…losing myself. I realized at that moment…that everything that had happened in these last few months…it was all my fault. I vowed that day…never to let myself forget the things that are important to me…like I did that night with Eli. I knew now the damage I had done with that one night…was irreparable. I did the only thing I could…I rode the elevator back to the top and went back to my room to tell Ben the truth…he deserved to be happy…without feelings of guilt.
FELICITY WALKS BACK INTO HER ROOM. BEN IS SITTING ON HER BED…WAITING…ALMOST LIKE HE KNEW SHE WOULD BE BACK.
BEN LOOKS UP.
FELICITY: Ben…I’m sorry…for everything…but most of all…for today. I have no right to make you feel guilty for wanting to start living a normal life. You are my best friend and I do just want you to be happy. I know that sounds cliché…but in this case it’s true. I have to admit I thought it was me…I thought I was the one who was suppose to make you happy…but I guess…no I know I failed pretty miserably at it. I just want you to know that…I don’t regret a minute we we’re together…and I hate that I’ve screwed things up so bad. But we were friends first…so we can be again.
BEN: You did make me happy…it’s not like I’ve spent months of sheer torture with you…just the last couple of months. I wish we could find our way back to the happiness we had over the summer…but right now…I just don’t see it happening…but I don’t regret any of the time we were together either. I’m not saying I don’t love you…I do. I know this is confusing…I’m sorry…but I really…I just want you to be happy too.
FELICITY: I know…and maybe you’re right…maybe being friends…with no expectations…maybe this is what we were always meant to be.
BEN: I think sometimes…that maybe…well maybe we just met each other *too soon.*
FELICITY: What do you mean?
BEN: You know if maybe like ten years from now we had met…maybe we both would have been more grounded…less likely to hurt each other so much.
FELICITY: Yeah…maybe…I guess.
BEN: I know this isn’t going to be easy for either one of us. I don’t like the thought of seeing you with someone else…but I just think…for the time being…I think it’s for the best.
FELICITY: I don’t know about that…but I concede that we need to figure that out.
BEN: Thanks Felicity.
BEN WALKS UP A GIVES FELICITY A HUG AND A SMALL TENDER GOODBYE KISS. FELICITY IS MOVED TO TEARS AGAIN.
FELICITY: You're welcome…but please…just promise me one thing?
BEN: What’s that?
FELICITY: Don’t become the *stranger.*
BEN: The stranger?
FELICITY: Yeah…you know the ex you pass in the hall and just nod and walk by…thanking your lucky stars that she didn’t try and talk to you…because you just know it would be awkward.
BEN: Yeah…okay…but remember…that goes both ways.
BEN HUGS FELICITY ONE LAST TIME AND EXITS THE ROOM. FELICTY SITS BACK ON HER BED…LETTING THE LETTING GO PROCESS…SINK IN.
SALLY: (VO) Dear Felicity…I’m sorry things aren’t fixing themselves with you and Ben. I had such high hopes that they would. I do understand his need to move forward if his decision to leave is one he is comfortable with. I wish you strength in the months ahead…because knowing he is moving on and watching him move on…two completely different things. Ben has been the core of your life for a really long time now...letting go of that is going to be a difficult…but not impossible task. Friends will become very important to you in the coming months…so lean on them…they want you to…they expect you to. You will get through this…I promise. It may seem like an insurmountable proposition at this point…but it will happen…you’ll wake up one day and realize…you did it…you let go of both him and the pain. And you will feel stronger because of this…and ready to live again.